Don't call it a book club.

Dan is back on the fairgrounds, what will he find this time? (12:20 to skip) Thank god Cosca is back and he might just be a wizard. Jinxes make a big comeback and we need help coming up with some new idioms. Happy turkey day everyone!

Next week we're starting Legend by David Gemmell.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

All the college football fans that listen to the pod, this warmup is for you (12:20 to skip). Shivers needs a confidence boost, and we've got some business advice for low level assassins. Day needs to spend some more time in the lab... you guys aren't tired of our chemistry rants, right?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Honestly, this warmup rant is all over the place (11:50 to skip). Does everyone in the North need to do a big group therapy session? Cause it seems like they definitely need a talk. Speaking of guys who need therapy, Joe needs to talk to someone about his hatred for oatmeal. Also, you will not find bigger fans of Cosca anywhere than on this pod. This guy is an absolute legend and deserves the best.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We're standing up for everyone's right to not text back (14:20 to skip). It's time for a new addition to our most hated characters list, welcome to the club Mr. Howard! Even the worst world takeover by an eldritch horror will be ok as long as you have prep time.

Next week we're reading the first third of Best Served Cold by Joe Abercrombie!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke reminds us that while ball is life, sometimes life is not ball (9:06 to skip). Hitting Lovecraft with a classic compliment sandwich. A nice, tall compliment sandwich. Also what does it truly mean to grift?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

I know we talk about food a lot, but have we already done this warmup? (9:30 to skip) Frog/Fish people are looking for mates, time to get in line. Turns out Dan is really brave and is up for a tour of Innsmouth. Plus is our narrator just kind of a jerk?

To answer a question we had in episode, yes there are more published works in the Litany of Earth series!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Who wants to get in on some trivia? (12:00 to skip). Liberty invents the grindset and Marta needs a new brain. Also, who doesn't love to get back at the mean chemistry teacher.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan gets a clone (9:00 to skip). Barbecues are out, Luncheons are in. Turns out Dan knows all the calls for square dancing (we learn a lot about Dan in this sode tbh). What do I have to do to get a dance card at my next party?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke gives us a solid gold business idea that I would have literally used today (8:49 to skip). First off, every book needs a pronunciation guide, thank you, Moniquill.Secondly, everyone needs a cuddle dragon. Luke takes a brave stand against imperialism and Dan wants to know the dragon school acceptance criteria.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Who needs a warmup when you've got a classic Brandon Sanderson finale! You miss 100% of the shots (at the Lord Ruler) you don't take so let's mix it up a little. We're handing out awards and assigning roles in this one; coach, MVP, and X-factor are already set, what did we miss?

Next week we're reading To Shape a Dragons Breath by Moniquill Blackgoose.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke kicks us off with a bike rant (11:45 to skip). Luke said it best, we are have finally gotten into the balls. Dan needs someone to connect these big dots for once. Listener, what is the best misting power and why is it iron or steel?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan loves Will Ferrell and wishes him well in all future endeavors (8:00 to skip). So glad our team has some spare time in their busy schedule to help overthrow an immortal emperor. Drinking heavy metals is normally bad for you, but spikes through the eyes is working for people in this story so who's to say.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan has a workplace dispute (11:58 to skip). Luke and Dan are screaming this episode. One is a scream of pain, the other a scream of joy. You gotta listen to find out which is which. What's the deal with jumpPads? And finally, Darrow is back baby!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke is not going climbing and that is final (9:25 to skip to book talk). Give us some squoosh rooms and we can defend any moon base. Big dad energy in this section and Quicksilver doesn't want any of it. Also Lysander suuuuuucks.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan and Luke are hyped about Baldur's Gate 3 (7:10 to skip). Get Darrow some hobbies, please! Battles got the boys stressed. You always have a plan and it better be a good one. Also, sorry about the echo. Dan just moved so he is still setting up his professional recording booth.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan needs a little bit more training for these big giant death machines (9:27 to skip). Maybe everyone in this book is just a LITTLE too chill about some unknown *potentially* alien thing. Lysander is such a loser. You heard it here first folks.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke admits to being a quitter (6:00 to skip). Last week's episode ending on a high note so we're happy to report this section was emotionally devastating, damnit Pierce! Let us know how to get bold font and if it's ok to love Ephraim now.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Still holding out hope for a home Dippin' Dots maker (12:00 to skip). Lysander is easily impressed, and Darrow is maybe back. Be physically amazing in every way or emit slightly more pheromones, pick your superpower. Also thank god for Virginia.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Fireworks or drones (12:20 to skip)? Please, we need to see a zoladone ad. Also worst character round up this sode. Dan reveals a core value and Luke "should" be able to beat a one-armed Lebron.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Shouts out to DJs, you've gone underappreciated for too long (7:40 to skip). Trying to keep the Darrow bashing to a minimum, but honestly it isn't easy. We have a foolproof way to escape the weird crab prison, and debut some new descriptive terminology for psycho Gold behavior. Don't sleep on our pets making multiple cameos in this one.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Don't ask anyone why they are vegetarian if you aren't ready to feel a little bit guilty (7:00 to avoid the guilt). Tough to be back, but Luke and Dan do it for the fans. The dumb nerds decide to come up with a new political system on the fly and use their expertise to do some public transit design. Also, keep an eye out for the pivot. It is coming. Right?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

To keep our spirits up on this bittersweet day Dan gets us warmed up with an update on his dance moves (9:20 to skip). Messing with time is super overpowered, but reading Fate is maybe underpowered? Multiple Drosses is awesome and also a little suspicious. Finally, we wrap up with our thoughts on the end of this epic series.

Next week we're starting Iron Gold by Pierce Brown (Book 4 of the Red Rising series)

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan takes a stand (2:55). Sol is simultaneously way better and way worse somehow. Dan wants to know your eternal replay highlight and Luke invents the stranger protocol. Today is the day you should start farming, but beware the Tomb Spark bovine.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan's laboratory skills are failing him in his quest for the perfect biscuit (9:10 to skip). We've got some critiques for the academy's methods, but in the interest of fairness there are some things they're doing right. Gruel fountains? Yes please! And if the pod doesn't work out we're gonna take up farming these black star plants.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We're so excited to start our progression fantasy tour that we have no warmup today. Hugh breaks a record for worst start to a book and is missing out on cool demon powers. Dan is in rare form today with both a big theory and a new business idea.

Next week we continue our tour with Bastion by Phil Tucker, and check out our most recent Patreon episode released today!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Time to reinvent the blood pact (10:33 to skip). Luke and Dan reveal just how dystopian this future is and remind you to always backup your data. Frequently. Unless you are trying to dunk.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Warmup today is about ideal social outings and our new business idea (13:15 to skip). Dino nuggies make a surprise appearance and smart appliances are getting out of control. Also why are the comfortUnits so strong??

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Who is Leck, really? How could Po be this dumb? Who has the best plan and why does it include a net? Which captain would you rather serve under? Luke and Dan are out here asking the real questions.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Learn a little bit about how surprisingly organized junkyards are in today's warmup (12:55 to skip). Come to our pod to focus on the important questions like how good can a Graced juggler really be? Stick around for our theories on evil councils and how the dogs are actually all OK.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We have a double warm up here starting with urban planning talk and speed running sunroofs (11:44 to skip). Big oof on this ending. Luke and Dan start by begging these rich people to stop procreating. Get yourself a hive mind barber. Also, ghosts or naw?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Also we totally misspelled the last episode on purpose as like, a cool literary thing.

As promised Dan gives a report on the wedding and has been working on his baking skills (6:00 to skip). Your favorite leech has a problem and we're solving it by designing the perfect doctor's exam. We've also got some notes on how you survive the winter at this Chateau, and we're not giving the doctor any more dynamite!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

A couple of mini warm ups get us taking about gadgets and books (10:15 to skip). Luke and Dan return with science talk! Get ready to hear about the worst kind of protesters and how the stone eaters may actually be the solution. Or at the very least a little bit too forward.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke attended a book festival and wants to tell you about it (7:25 to skip). If you're turning to stone, which parts go first? You know we're getting creative with it. Plus, Nassun develops a great new training method for future doctors.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan jumps into a warmup (10:20 to skip). The boys get called out for their love of maps and Severard gets called out for not keeping a diary. How long do you have on your personal doomsday clock for this world?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke drinks whiskey at a bachelor party and wants to talk about it (12:00 to skip). The Bloody Nine is finally starting to scare us (but we still love him obvi). Also everything is Sult's fault.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The boys get back to holiday talk to warm up (12:46 to skip). Jezel is officially the king of idiots. The Northmen clearly need to start playing Dungeons and Dragons and Luke and Dan leave a bad review for this mountain fortress.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke must face a harsh truth about his sports fanhood (10:20 to skip). Folks, does it count as a war if the Sorceress never loses. We finally get to meet a dragon in the cosmere, and... not a great guy! Finally, we make a noble attempt at a grand spore theory and tbh I think we nailed it.

Next week we're starting Last Argument of Kings by Joe Abercrombie!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke needs more sports (10:45 to skip)! The boys get called out and it turns out Tress is a bit of a freak. Luke reveals himself to actually be a mask and Dan calls out these gull(hehe)ible pirates. What we using those crimson spores for?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Warm up today is gonna get you riled up if you're a big self-destruct button fan (12:00 to skip). Our big goal of this book is to come up with a grand scientific theory for spore reactivity and we're getting started with some classic mole fraction talk (you know you love it). Plus how willing to swap out eyeballs are you?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Something fishy is going on in the Parlor Passage. Also Luke and Dan still don't get the plan. Me thinks someone needs to give these pirates some pointers. Teach em about parley.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We know you've all wanted a fortune cookie warmup so here you go (8:20 to skip). You may think we are too critical of the pirate plan in this book, but you are wrong because WHAT IS THIS PLAN?? However, don't worry because Luke and Dan are still solving problems including Locke's cat issues. Finally, is there anyone that hasn't been poisoned in this scheme?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan starts with a hype moment and Luke calls out Locke's magic skills. Break out your IRL GameSharks because we have found a cheat code. Also, get yourself that government contract money.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

As promised Dan gives us an introduction to his favorite Christmas Tree scent brand (Amazon link). We're a little late, but finally giving our thoughts on the big TV shows of the year. Make sure you've seen Rings of Power and House of the Dragon before listening.

We're off next week and then back in the new year with Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch. Happy holidays!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Artificial Christmas tree discussion ahead (10:30 to skip). Luke points out that the Cheque can't be the only one out there and Dan is back on his bouncy house grind. There is one big question this episode and that is, how are you finding this duck? Seriously, how?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Warming up today with our classic love and appreciation of capitalism and how great toys are (10:35 to skip). From their SOPs to their personnel notes this organization has a lot of improvements to make and we're offering our consulting services. Time to max out the stats on random mythological creatures, and Myfanwy is missing some pretty big clues here....

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan regales us with a tale of woe (14:39 to skip). Off rip, where are you staying? You getting room service? What's the minibar situation? Luke unveils his two cereal system and it is potentially a game changer. Also, a lot of Dr. Crisp talk this episode, so be prepared.

It is not your ears, there is a mysterious buzz on this episode.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

It's the holiday season, so as is tradition it's time for us to fix one of the holidays (14:05 to skip). Dan embraces the Radch jewelry game can for sure pull off a big belt buckle. We've got the perfect counter to the magic gun used in this book. And finally, does anyone know how this emperor thing works?

The Rook by Daniel O'Malley starting next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan starts this episode off with a little story time (11:00 to skip). Dan proposes a theory that everything is tea and Luke wants One Esk to be maybe a touch more empathetic. Also, what kind of ID checks are we using for the emperor? Patrons, check your messages and send us your address! We have stickers to mail out!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music (and the stickers design!).

Today's warmup is an advice column and Dan needs help with his dance strategy (14:05 to skip). We're putting together a plan to befriend AIs, but only the cool, hip ones. Folks, make sure your children's songs rhyme or it doesn't count!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The long anticipated no-till agriculture warmup is finally here (11:20 to skip). Are these bot makers artisans or exploited factory workers? Luke and Dan stumble into the extinction of trivia and do some gratis white hat SecUnit penetration testing. Okay that sounded bad, the boys do NOT want to talk about the sex bots. The comedian Luke would get on his SecUnit: Gilbert Gottfried.

Get warmed up by learning a fun fact about the Heimlich maneuver, although double-check those dates before you play trivia (10:30 to skip). Don't worry. We know and understand precisely what happened in this book and can explain it to you perfectly.

Today we can announce that we worked with VOLO to design a new pod image that we're putting on our stickers. Big thanks to VOLO for this and letting us use his music for so long! Check out his website and Instagram for more art!

Next week check out All Systems Red by Martha Wells.

Luke is starting a grassroots movement dedicated to improving restaurant nachos (9:32 to skip). Leave it to your astute hosts to clear up any confusion or questions about Nona the Ninth. How long are y'all waiting before you get to the wacky stuff? Luke and Dan will be holding try outs for their body buddies.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

You have a mission this week: get destroyed over-the-board by a child (10:10 to skip). Your hosts are legally obligated to summarize what happened in this book because they are honestly still coming to grips with it. Luke reignites the highly contentious "what is a planet" debate. Dan needs to know about some new innovations in the necromancer prank game. Nona the Ninth is Next.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Stick around for the extra long warmup today and tell us your rules and regulations for socializing (18:35 to skip). Literally what is going on in this book folks, help us make some sense of it. Make sure to come up with your teeth art, and don't sleep on the middle school S.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan has a very shady fun fact about body parts to get us warmed up (7:00 to skip). Ya boys come up with their ideal secret-telling liquid and pick a Pa-bone-us. Shouts out to Tamsyn for picking the least gross part of necromancy to focus on, we thank you.

We're continuing with the Locked Tomb series, start Harrow the Ninth for next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan and Luke start this episode talking about how Spiderman should be way more concerned with wage theft (8:45 to skip). In this episode we tell you when you should fight a bone lord.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

It's the end of the Summer of Swords and we've got to commemorate it... Should we get a sword? Also time for initial thoughts on the new LOTR show (12:30 to skip warmup). Dan brings back everyone's favorite Tyrion theory, and we love Jamie and The Hound now. Your favorite podcasters reveal they have very different tastes in banner art.

Next week we're starting Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan come out hot with a borderline problematic ageist rant. Dan wants to if it is possible for the bar of most evil to go any lower and Luke wants to know when the Westeros iPhone coming out. Tyrion come on, you know what you were doing.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan betrays our childhood with a very hot take on Star Wars (7:50 to skip). Deep dive into weddings in this one; we're talking payment plans, logistics, and Tyrion's feelings. Our solution may not be perfect but we gotta figure out how to deal with captives. Also, make sure to get all your agreements in writing!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan holds firm in his refusal to watch any Game of Thrones content. Meanwhile Luke can't help but get hyped (9:41 to skip). This episode starts with a repeat of a classic, but quickly turns into an in depth discussion of Westeros prison reform. Dan announces his favorite character, and Luke wants someone to recognize Tyrion for once in his life. Lastly, a massive propaganda campaign is finally unveiled for its true purpose.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

You know we are getting Eragon TV series warmed up (12:13 to skip). Simon's evil twin is revealed! Dr. Dan introduces a theory that is basically a cognitohazard at 42:10 so if you don't want any spoilers for the rest of the series, skip to 44:10. Finally, Luke and Dan spill the beans about their comfortable levels of physical intimacy with friends.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan gets us started with a very hot take on everyone's favorite unforgivable curse (10:00 to skip). Simon proves that he's down for anything. We need some tips on training our wolves, and is it possible to have too much Jade?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan has officially committed to the bit (11:28 to skip). This episode is all about 2 things: dragging Simon and venerating a dude for eating small birds.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke gets us warmed up with reports from Olive Garden (9:15 to skip). Several new segments are introduced in this episode, you know we've got to have Hype Time and get excited for our inaugural "consider this" segment. Once again we have to consider if we're on Team Vroshir or Team Abidan (or maybe Team Ozriel??). Finally, are we getting out of control with the scale in Cradle?

Next week we're continuing the Summer of Swords and reading The Dragonbone Chair by Tad Williams. In a few weeks we'll do a patron only episode on cradle so send in your questions and comments on what we missed in this episode!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

I know this is the Summer of Swords, but the boys have a few questions about this particular sword. Plenty of characters earned a critical eye this episode. Also, Luke and Dan dive deep into the political structures of Redwall, and the Machiavellian tactics of the abbot. Dan is looking forward to returning to the children's section of the library to learn more about Brian Jacques' political philosophy.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

It's a big throwback day as we get reacquainted with our local library and everyone's favorite childhood series. Lots of mouse talk in this one, any mouse biology experts let us know what we missed by emailing us at info@thisisntactuallymyemail.com. Plus you know we've gotta talk Redwall food which did not disappoint. Also, what exactly is cordial?

No episode next week, but don't stop reading because we're still finishing the book the following week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan hit us with a very topical rant about TV these days (11:58 to skip). Of course Dan has to start with a summary of this chapter, how would anyone know what story we are reading without one? Also what is this, a continent for ants? Once again, Dan and Luke investigate the cuisine only this time they look north. Finally, Luke and Dan have some notes for the Warlock King.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan gets us warmed up with a riveting furniture story (7:35 to skip). Shea proves that he has very poor deduction skills, the journey through the cave has some storytelling flaws, and Menion continues to be the clear MVP.

P.S. Here is the couch

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke got heated at a chemical conference so if you work for ExxonMobile, you have some explaining to do! (7:35 to skip). Dan starts us off with a summary that sounds somewhat familiar, and Luke needs some ice breakers. There is a gold nugget of a story nestled in this episode, so make the royalty checks out to Luke and Dan. Which of these characters would make the best wingman? Finally, what is real? Is magic real? Prove it.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We've got some well earned awards to give out, find out who is the worst person and who had the worst time in this book (Tip: the answers are obvious). Beware Father fans, we're ranting about your boi a whole lot this episode. Also seek help.

Get ready for the Summer of Swords and start reading Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks for next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

ALERT! GROCERY. STORE. WARM. UP. (7:22 skip). What is going on with the President of Mount Char? Father needs to trim the fat a bit and Dan is excited for Carolyn to hit 'em with a SLICE. Pop quiz: The Sun goes out. How much do you tip your waitress at dinner that evening?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan wants us to get warmed up with a surprise Pokemon and Disney reference (6:35 to skip). Big disagreements on this one about who has the best catalogue, whats your vote? My guy Nobununga might be kindof a dummy, but a big tiger can turn the tide in any fight. And of course we've got to break down the ethics of lion attacks.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Yeehaw, Luke gets us warmed up with a rant about Western movies (7:35 to skip). Dan pops off about a comment from our subreddit and Luke finds an incredible (or terrible) opportunity for an investigative journalist. Necromancy finally getting some love and the boys are holding out for a hero.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Huge mood shift between last week and this one, we're getting back to the funnies! Hey villains, if you're forcing someone into marriage at least have the decency to get a good venue. Dan's working on a counter-guild and Luke wants a sliding scale for bar tabs. Eat the dang elf food, Gorm!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan has learned a key aspect of Elden Ring since the Patreon episode (7:05 to skip). Luke and Dan address a controversy right off the bat and that is how you know they are professionals. We get a peek behind the podcasting curtain and Luke shares his expert water treatment takes. Finally, based on our subreddit poll apparently everybody knows about the second law of thermodynamics so Dan is a big dumb idiot. Orconomics by Zachary Pike next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We are happy to be back with some good podcast news and a long warmup. Small dog owners beware, you're getting called out (13:45 to skip). Speaking of dogs, we may have found the right messaging for climate change deniers and dogs are key. We're sensing some west coast bias here and Dan is calling BS on this fire drug. Also this book so far is very dark, if you're not up for that right now feel free to skip!

Join the discord with this link: https://discord.gg/TXcgHJtpqy

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Good news, we finally get to have some dragon discourse in Stormlight, did we get the dragon checklist right? In a surprise move Dan is finally willing to give Shallan some slack on something. Hey, who is gonna be Odiums champion? It feels like there's an obvious choice...

Next week we're taking a break followed by a patreon only mailbag episode in two weeks. Join the patreon (https://www.patreon.com/dcitabc) and send us questions if you don't want to wait 3 weeks for the next episode!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke gets us warmed up with an essential bathroom innovation (9:30 to skip). Brandon had a very big week last week, and we are all hyped. Can we also appreciate how insane the last decade has been on Roshar? Luke announces it is finally time to start expressing ourselves through dance instead of sword. Dan announces he is completely done with the Stormfather. Also please ignore the highstorm going on outside at one point in the recording.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We're coming back to our favorite punching bag (cause he won't punch back), Lirin how are ya! Make sure to be concise in your letters folks or Dan is coming after you, every sentence counts. We're sewing out pockets shut from here on out and cheering on our new horse radiants.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music!

The Patreon is up (https://www.patreon.com/dcitabc) be sure to check out those subscriber benefits! Dan also gives his report on the Big Bang Theory (13:15 to skip). You have GOT to read the novellas, folks. Dan is back on his theory game and Luke can finally get on board. This episode also introduces Crass Dan which we are all excited about.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We announce some podcast news and then warmup with a hot debate about everyone's favorite show The Big Bang Theory (16:15 to skip). Luke wants the sailors to unionize and Dan wants the Sleepless in charge. It wouldn't be an episode of Don't call it a book club without us theorizing about new sports and the sleepless have a banger.

Reading the first quarter of Rhythm of War next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The Marat officially have pants on fire, and Jim needs to leave Doroga alone. Also, First Lord rhymes with vord, y'all know the rest. Dan and Luke continue to be unimpressed with this government and decide what they really need is a parade.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

It's everyone's favorite segment, we're warming up with some grocery store talk (8:50 to skip). The boys point out all of the flaws in Aleran society. Repeatedly. Luke comes out as team Aquitaine and Dan's not afraid of our rich overlords. Also, is the grey tower a myth? Time to throw some bribes around.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke brags about how popular he is (6:10 to skip). The boy stand up to bullying and for once in his life, Dan doesn't propose an absurd theory. Luke gives a lesson in diplomacy and Dan gives a lesson in keeping your mouth shut when you have no idea what you are talking about.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

No warmup on this one since in classic Sanderson fashion the ending of Oathbringer has a lot of ground to cover. After the big revelation, we of course discuss some human-Parshendi relations. Dan comes out swinging with some really well thought out theories, and Luke has some constructive criticism for Dalinar.

Next week we are starting Academ's Fury by Jim Butcher, book 2 of the Codex Alera series!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan wants to learn a little "real life lore" while reading (10:55 to skip). Luke no longer stans Shallan and Dan wants to hear some details about damage and hit points. Some important discussion about who lives in Shadesmar and Dan introduces another powerful theory about Dalinar. Finishing up the book next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Nothing personal but I don't want to share food with you and I have something to say about it (8:05 to skip). Now that Jasnah is back she takes a spot in the hot seat. She's a little too ready to attack our parshmen friends! Dan has some words for the heralds, and we come up with some good alternative strategies. Plus don't sleep on the new theories we bring out in this one!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Apologies, but we have to talk about Lebron (8:15 to skip). Luke decides to start us off by pissing off thousands of readers everywhere and Dan goes after a world religion so a contentious start. Luke also proposes a revision to our understanding of toughness that is so needed right now. Finally, everybody get ready for the giant spaceship portion of Stormlight because it is for sure coming.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We're starting with a warm-up that really gets Dan upset (7:20 to skip). So many details that we've got to figure out about our new settings. How do these communal ovens work? Are we really letting people watch the Prime all the time? While we've got you here make sure to weigh in on what makes the best ShardFork!

Start Oathbringer for next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan comes out swinging at these so called "geniuses". Luke is hesitant to give Dan props for called shots but we all know Dan is basically the book Nostradamus. We also should take a minute and just imagine the hype that has built up on this battlefield. Luke needs to know who has the coolest backstory, quick! Finally, what kinds of weapons are we requesting for our new magic weapons? We are continuing within the Stormlight Archive and reading Edgedancer next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We're getting warmed up with our first e-bike news segment, many more to come (7:30 to skip). Everybody share their experiences of the first time they read the arena fight scene, we've got some fun ones. Dan's got a big new theory about why the spren are bad and we try to remember why the desolations kept coming. Please remind us!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan gets warmed up with a crisis and Luke talks him down (10:57 to skip). The boys talk theories of justice and we get a good analysis of the parallels between Kaladin and Shallan. Hold up, is this actually an insightful book discussion? Nah, now they are talking about spit balls so don't worry about it.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! We're getting warmed up with some holiday talk (8:40 to skip) and then talking the first quarter of Words of Radiance. Some good Bridge 4 tattoo discussion in this one, let us know if you agree with us or not! Plus who are you taking, Pattern or Syl? There's no wrong answer!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Turns out Reaper and The Fast And Furious movies have a lot in common: both are all about fam. Dan takes a victory lap and Luke wants to know how much Eithan really matters to the team. Also, is Cradle on easy mode? Taking a week off but back for a special Thanksgiving episode starting Words of Radiance.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

As is tradition we've got to do some Ozriel theories before really getting started. Another tradition we're sticking closely to is requesting some non-combat-related paths! Where are they guys?! Luke is embracing the problematic Sacred Valley mindset and Dan's got some notes on the Soul Forge.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The boys present a very special Halloween episode. Enjoy the local neighborhood!

Special thanks to crickets and owls for the intro and outro music.

We're getting warmed up by reminiscing about what brought us back into fantasy (6:00 to skip), let us know what books rejuvenated your fantasy career! Luke wants to take over financial management duties for the museum and Dan breaks down the themes for us. Lastly, we've got some words for our museum benefactor.

Next week we're doing a special trick or treat episode, and then the new Cradle book after that!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan has a nightmare and is sort of hyped. This episode celebrates great innovations in prank history and cursed item storage. Dan appreciates Simon's style and Luke spots an opportunity for the museum. Also, Luke has the most absurd idea for scary dimension graffiti. At the halfway mark Dan is seriously wondering, what is even going to happen in the second half of this story?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Is the Foundation TV show living up to our expectations? It's complicated and we have a lot of thoughts (skip to 19:40 if you haven't watched the show). The book may repetitive but we are not! Although we're talking themes a LOT in this episode. Finally, how are we keeping the Foundation citizens from being terrible?? It doesn't seem like we are!

No episode next week, but give us suggestions for spooky books to read in October!

Special thanks for VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke is making fantastic latte art on the Twitter (@DCitaBC) and Dan has some hot hands he apparently needs to talk about (6:09 to skip). The boys will be watching the Foundation show tomorrow and talking about it next episode so if you can steal someone's Apple TV password, give it a watch. This episode starts off a little backwards but don't worry things quickly move to talking about this big crazy galaxy. The podcast takes a brief sojourn into a propaganda how-to guide and Dan shows his ignorance about what an engineer does and Luke decides we need a new word for a specific book trope.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Very long intro today, we're learning all about RenFest and why Dan can't wait to go back (13:10 to skip). As we finish the book we're covering some big topics like Dragon Capitalism and beauty standards for beings with multiple forms. I know, very relatable and topical. We're also learning the benefits of a modern messenger pigeon.

For next week, start reading Foundation by Isaac Asimov!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The boys give a sci-fi/fantasy news update and they are hyped. Skip to 9:05 if you have already heard of the new Foundation TV series. Big tone shift from Malazan Book of the Summer here and Luke and Dan love it. Luke gives simultaneously great and terrible advice about dragon snacks and Dan is team Bethesda (the dragon obviously). Send us your meanest dragon tweets and finish the book for next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Malazan Book of the Summer ends on a high note as Pete and AJ from the Ten Very Big Books Podcast join to talk about the series. Some fun games, hot takes, and even a few deep comments; we do it all in this one!

Check out the Ten Very Big Books Podcast if you want more Malazan content and if you're continuing on without us! Stay tuned for our next book that we'll announce on Twitter and our subreddit.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

In the penultimate episode of Malazan Book of the Summer, Luke gives a much needed perspective shift. Dan finds his limit for quitting army, and the boys throw a little shade on some of our main characters. Next week Pete and AJ from the Ten Very Big Books podcast will be on the pod, so send anything you want us to talk about!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We cover a lot of ground in this one, from Jamba Juice employees to archaeologists, there's something for everyone. The boys continue the critique of the Tlan Imass mission statement and throw out some hot takes about Itkovian and Caladan Brood. Finally, what would you do at this second gathering? It feels like a lot of options are being ignored.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan and Luke warm up by doing movie/tv/game executives' jobs for them (7:33 to skip). The boys talk etiquette for turning down human flesh at a BBQ and ask important questions about the effectiveness of the Malazan army. We also need innovation among morticians and magical trading caravans, we are open to suggestions.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Opening with our conflicting thoughts on Bo Burnham's new special today (10:50 to skip to the book). Elder gods are back baby and we've got that deep analysis on their downfalls. The olympics are here and you know we gotta talk sports. How much better would this world be if we had some sports to fall back on?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The boys start with some obligatory Space Jam II predictions (9:28 to skip). Wuff, wuff this Chain of Dogs is barking and it has a pretty emo vibe if we are being honest. Dan gives credit to a great insult which leads into an actually somewhat serious discussion about authority. Also, what even is death anymore? Next week we are reading up to Part 2 in Memories of Ice, stay tuned for Malazan book of the Summer!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We're getting all of our foodie takes out for the warmup this time (6:00 to skip). Shouts out to Coltaine and the Wickans, great vibes and flexes all around (minus the whole sharpened teeth thing). Big debate in this episode about shapeshifting, is the spicy cologne good or bad? Also we may have jumped the gun on Apsalar in this one...

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The boys return with a hot take about the most beautiful game out there (8:53 to skip). The Malazan empire grows pretty dark in this book but the boys are holding out hope for some cotton candy bugs or something to come out. Dan and Luke argue about the merits of Redblade innovations and neither of them know how long it took for humans to develop iPhone 1. Also just be prepared for a good amount of horse talk this episode.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan decide it's time to get hype again (7:15 to skip). Dan loves Oponn's style and Luke reminds us that in fact, dogs are the best people. The boys talk about complicated romances and absurd dueling regulations. Turns out Luke is on the side of Big Tumor and Dan has a huge change of heart. Reminder that we are taking two weeks off and will be back July 8th.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan comes up with a profound observation about the nature of good and evil to start us off (7:09 to skip). Murillio has got the V I B E S and Crokus is thinking with his downstairs brain a little much. Luke wants to give a little career advice to Paran and Dan calls b.s. on the Moranth. This could be the most awkward dinner party of all time. Lastly, how is the renewable energy production going on Moon Spawn?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Today we're talking about all the important bits from the first 6 chapters, like how much you should spend on candles and how regular long hair turns into a mane. Paran is the big winner from our first episode, and we've fixed Darujhistan. You're welcome.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan check out the first 3 episodes of the new Netflix show, Shadow and Bone (skip to 13:55 to avoid spoilers). Aranock starts this section off with a pretty shitty decision that Dan can't let slide and Samily needs to make a guest appearance on the show. The boys come up with some cool uses for the magic in the world and plan the heist of the century. Also in a twist, Dan comes up with another wild theory that is big if true.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Another classic segment of Dan explains it to Luke, what are we doing with Mynygogg you guys? Time for Rasa to ask for a raise cause she has MVP potential for sure. Also we're critiquing a lot of the characters in this section, check out who we think needs to be taken down a peg.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

To warm up Dan makes a quick retraction and Luke become a wedding registry innovator. Seriously, though why has no one done this yet? (11:17 to skip). Dan asks some important questions about the future of bed, and Luke takes us on a journey back to high school. Murders and scams abound and the boys are loving it.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan's bringing us back to our roots with a super-specific rant about mundane life events (10:20 to skip). We finished the book for this episode so make sure you've read the whole thing before starting. Ok, now you can dive in and discuss with us who is allowed to initiate the cannibalism and who has to sit out that conversation.

Next week we're starting The Lost War by Justin Lee Anderson!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan are not very excited about one of these characters coming back, can you guess which one it is? Finally we get a name for a new segment on the show; introducing Creative Solutions with Luke and Dan. Luke also reigns in Dan before he tries to claim that all plants should have teeth (tbh they should tho). In a twist we are going to finish the book next week, so get reading!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Will Wight continues to impress with his ability to make the power scale in his stories absolutely absurd. In our return to Sacred Valley, we've got a lot of feelings and spend some time sifting through them. Are we hyped? Frustrated? Proud? Let us know how you felt when reading this book by checking out our subreddit or Twitter page. And there's no way we could let you go without a ridiculous Elder Whisper theory.

Next week we'll be starting The Obelisk Gate by N.K. Jemisin!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Check out this short bonus episode to get ready for our full Bloodline episode coming out tomorrow! This one is all about our big expectations for the newest Cradle book.

Dan has the number one podcast rant of all time this week (3:45 to skip). A lot of learning about space stuff in this book so hope y'all are ready for the pop quiz! Credit is finally given where it is due but no forgiveness is forthcoming. Luke and Dan fix this wack society; it turns out two idiots and an hour of joking around solves a lot of problems so maybe take a little more time to make some key decisions. Dan pitches a new product and Luke takes training montages to the next level.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We're once again warming up with TV about high school, too much cringe! (8:30 to skip). Oh look, your supervisor is trying to turn your workplace into a military dictatorship. It happens. But not always a good idea! And yeah, we know why you're here and we're just as angry about Julia as you are. We'll rant about her so you don't have to.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan finally weigh in on the Potato Head controversy.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Any First Law conversation is amiss without some good Glokta analysis, buddy you know there are other jobs, right? Big shoutout to Joe for explaining the Shanka's eating habits, but now we gotta dig deeper to figure out where my microbes at. Colonel West has some strange preferences, and building a boat at the end of the world seems too easy.

Next week we're starting Seveneves by Neal Stephenson!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Y'all have heard of snow mirages right? Huge problem up in north Angland, trust us. Luke and Dan can't decide if Glokta has done a good job or a bad job, but Dan is still team Glokta and hoping that isn't going to come back to bite him. Luke provides great analysis about Jezal and Dan decides to hate him anyway. Lastly, the boys ponder the dietary requirements of Shanka.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Very long but important intro, learn something about dogs in this one guys (skip to 16:15 to get to the book). Forgive us if we forget or repeat things from the first book, but y'all, how great is Glokta?! And also maybe Prince Ladisla is good? Finally, shoutout to Euz for being the worst father of all time.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan recounts his tale of woe in Old School Runescape (follow us on Twitch for the upcoming stream or skip 5:57 if you are a noob). Luke teaches Dan how to properly scare horses while Dan reminds Luke what happened in the plot of the book he supposedly just finished. Luke and Dan discuss what kind of reforms Baru is working towards and this is our first episode that has started and ended with potty humor! Since this book was such a dark trip we decided to read something more upbeat next: Before They are Hanged by Joe Abercrombie.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan's latest Star Wars rant is all about calling BS on Obi Wan, c'mon Obi Cruise you're better than that (6:55 to skip). Two questions for you after reading this section: Is it worth getting scurvy if you can feel like a wolf for the winter? And are you coming to our fire focaccia party?

We're playing RuneScape live on Twitch this Saturday! Follow us on Twitch and put it in your calendar.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Blackbird182 wants to remind everyone about a certain game before we get into the book (9:57 to skip). Dan gives everyone a pass to come back to these episodes when things in "real world" are less depressing. That said, Luke and Dan are morbidly curious about how this empire functions. These peasants have got to be worried about some kind of scam going on and Luke is gonna dig it up.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Travis from The Fantasy Inn Podcast joins us to finish our discussion on The Order of the Pure Moon Reflected in Water. Check out Part 1 on their website! The story is short so you know we've got time to speculate. What's your role in a bandit group and is getting teleportation powers worth the effort?

Thanks again to Travis for joining us, make sure to keep up with his podcast and follow @TheFantasyInn and @tctippens to hear what they're up to.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Alright keeping it a buck here, no one will blame you for skipping the intro this week (6:27). Luke and Dan rethink their ranking of the warriors from the Lot Lands and get into some serious statistics. Dan pushes back against Luke's criticism of Tine leadership and Luke decides we have a hot new reality show on our hands. Luke and Dan have a few parenting tips and of course Dan comes up with a few wild theories.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro.

Today's warmup focuses on our complacency in menu innovation (skip to 7:30 if you'll hear no criticisms of fast food). Big apologies to Fetch and Oats are due, turns out they did get pretty creative with fundraising. No one is asking but we've got some constructive criticism for the Pits of Homage and have developed a pretty good ranking system for our lot landers.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Things are ROUGH for these half-orcs y'all so it's a good thing they are all optimistic and encouraging! Dan thinks we need some new priorities in Winsome, while Luke proves to be a much more discerning reader than Dan. Who is this skinny turd boy and why is he the key to everything? Lastly, for a brief moment in your day, picture milking a horse. Ha I tricked you; now you can't stop thinking about milking a horse.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Looks like Dan's plan for sneaking spheres is out, but never give up folks. Research funding must be way down in Alethi society right now because we don't know anything about these Parshendi and it's wild! Also Dan finally convinces Luke not to wear frillies on the plains. Brandon never disappoints with finales so stick around for the highlight reel.

Next week we are starting The True Bastards by Jonathan French! This is book two of the series so go read the Grey Bastards if you haven't already.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke hits us with a blast from the past (6:20 to skip). Dan suggests a silver lining to chasm duty and Luke is *emotional*. We also find out why Luke isn't a regular blood donor or a member of the Heralds. Also, Dan actually provides some real life knowledge in this episode. Finally, the best laid plans of mice and men...really need some work apparently. You know what, maybe they weren't the best laid plans.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

To get us warmed up Dan wants to reframe our generational nerd terminology (skip to 7:30 for book discussion). Bring Luke some frilly laces to throw on under his jacket, it honestly looks great and Dalinar needs to refine his arguments a little. Dan is sick and tired of us exploiting our limited natural resources. Sustainable living y'all. Also what's your SPM?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Of course Luke and Dan are gonna talk about the limitations of having a safehand and the power of these eyebrows. Luke points out which spren would be the most embarrassing to see and Dan postulates about what to transform this rock into. Finally, this family doesn't need money they need therapy ASAP.

Happy Holidays!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Today we're starting off with a rant that everyone is going to relate to (skip to 6:30 for Rage of Dragons). I'm not the bravest person in the world but surrendering in this case seems great, right? Also find out why Tau is all brawn and no brains and who is winning in the demon world leaderboard. Next week we are starting the Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson, read the first quarter of the book!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music!

Dan may have his dumbest warm-up rant yet and Luke decides to add his own magic to the mix (9:45 to skip). Dan is pissed about the Chosen's abstinence only education BS. Luke isn't very on board with these "Gifted" and the boys take a strong position against ableism. Also if anyone can send us a picture of an avocado tree that would be super useful for part of a future discussion I am sure.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

If you were worried about Dan after last episode let us put your fears to rest before getting to the book. Finally we're back to dragons, and we're already going deep into the pros and cons of dragon scale swords. Big winner for this section; wood! Have we been underrating good quality wood? And yes Dan mispronounces Lekan this whole episode.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke is concerned that he may be sharing too much, and Dan definitely shares too much (please skip to 6:00). Dan needs to get deeper into a comment from the subreddit. Luke and Dan have some suggestions for this empire, mostly fortifications based. Lastly, but most importantly, smash the patriarchy. First third of The Rage of Dragons by Evan Winter next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

A double warmup for this episode, skip to 9:40 if you're only interested in Furies of Calderon. Dan updates his Tavi theory and brings us way out on a limb. Bernard is coming off way too good in this book so we've got to take him down a peg or two. And Dan has a great new opportunity that he wants to pitch to the Marat.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Did anything exciting happen this week? Luke and Dan can't think of anything (4:50 to skip). Dan leads Luke immediately astray on the pronunciation of Amara's name but they are sticking with it. Are these Cursors extremely busy or extremely lazy? Dan wants to know why fantasy worlds are so in love with dictatorships and empires, while Luke is amazed by the ability to move a sword so fast that you lose track of the blade. Also it is time to reclaim the word slive because clearly people aren't using this word right.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Incredibly hot take to open this one, skip to 5:30 if you don't want to get mad at Luke and just want to hear about the ending of to Sleep in a Sea of Stars. We're changing our vote for most overrated characters and I feel pretty good about the newest candidates. Also let's talk about this gift giving ceremony, did someone get stiffed here?

Next week we are reading Furies of Calderon by Jim Butcher, thanks to reddit user u/LonerActual for the suggestion!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Cryotubes: do we want them or naw? Luke wants to talk about the most boring part of this book AGAIN. Also, Kira clearly needs to get a face tattoo and Dan is hoping for this book to take a radical turn near the end. Who the eff is approving hornets? Goodbye, little insect.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

This is a long book and we read a third of it so make sure you get to Part II Chapter 11 before listening. As always Dan is incredibly suspicious and wants us to question everything. We go deep into some of the details of the new technology. For example these neural implants, are you getting them?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan shout out correct predictions from the /r/Iteration110Cradle subreddit (follow us on twitter @DCitaBC for those embarrassing tweets). Dan thinks Mercy got a raw deal and Luke reveals some of the underlying variables behind the creation of Crusher. Also get ready for a discussion of the moral implications of what Lindon and Yerin have been up to because the boys aren't sure who the good guys are anymore. Next week: first third of To Sleep in a Sea of Stars by Christopher Paolini!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

To mark the excitement of the new Cradle book Dan is starting this episode with a great theory addressing a classic Cradle question. We're diving deep into the politics of this world; find out what major policy Eithan is endorsing. Next week we're finishing Wintersteel, keep an eye out for any correctly predicted theories!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan disprove a whole barrel of theories from the /r/Iteration110Cradle subreddit in anticipation of the Wintersteel release tomorrow. The rules: 1. If Luke or Dan can refute any part of the comment, they have disproven your theory. 2. If anyone's theory or prediction is correct, Luke and Dan will tweet and embarrassing fact about themselves @WilliamWight. If you are as excited about Wintersteel as the boys are, join in on the fun at the /r/Iteration110Cradle subreddit or on the podcast's subreddit (/r/dontcallitabookclub)!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Hey remember Napolean Dynamite? We decided to give it a rewatch and share our thoughts. We're digging deep into all of the scenes that you thought were meaningless. No spoilers here but this episode is just a bundle of joy. Give it a watch and then tune in.

Thank you to BurghRecords for the futuristic sound effect and special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

To get warmed up today Dan goes on a rollercoaster of emotions with his perspective on gift cards (skip to 8:45 for book discussion). As we finish up the Sword of Kaigen we're again diving deep into the macroeconomics and incentives of the communities in a book. If you've got a moment please spare a prayer for THE WIND CHILD, she's gonna have it rough.

Stay tuned to our social media channels to get access to our poems for next week which we will release on Tuesday.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Can you guess who Luke and Dan are going to be dunking on for most of this episode? Probably because he is an absolute monster. The boys speculate about the amazing non-combat uses of water magic, specifically the cuisine. Be warned, there is a little bit of toilet humor in this episode but I promise it is totally warranted.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan doesn't understand the concept of a warm up so don't skip the intro on this one . Luke has a fool proof method of winning one of these duels and it's all about climate control folks. Dan asks the age old question; why are we using swords? And yes we do have an answer... sort of.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan join forces with Ako and Marci of the Colored Pages Book Club to talk about Auspicium Melioris Aevi and Patterns of a Murmuration, In Billions of Data Points by JY Neon Yang. This is one of the smartest discussions on this entire podcast; the squad talks about the implications of capitalism on human worth and whether or not AI can love. But don't worry, they also talk about the dating implications of a massive cloning operation and revenge by Barbie tank so it gets pretty dumb too.

Special thanks to Ako and Marci of the Colored Pages Book Club Podcast (@TheColoredPages, on Twitter and @thesecoloredpages on Insta) and VOLO for the intro and outro music.

How much you wanna make a bet Luke could throw a football over them mountains? (4:05 to skip the Napoleon Dynamite fan segment) Dan is still not convinced about the goodness or badness of these brothers and Luke needs to be on the committee designing this wall. We also desperately need an answer as to why Dan's solution has not gained more popularity in this world. Seems pretty obvious y'all.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Orholam sent a message via recording issues that a warm up will not be welcome in this episode so we jump straight into the book. A certain clothing based prank gives us some more fuel for our good brother/bad brother debate and honestly it's not looking good. We love to see the inclusion of some TLC in this section, no not the singers, I'm talking the chromatography. Also let us know your thoughts on King Garadul, are you defecting with us?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke starts us off with some serious introvert energy (7:00 to skip this karaoke rant). Luke and Dan already have a few suggestions for how to improve this prison. It may involve Eiffel 65. Dan learns about a new fitness contraption and Luke gives a glowing endorsement of King Garadul. Just kidding, this guy is terrible. Also who is signing up for extra credit at the Chromeria!?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan brings back a beloved segment, find out the connection between business suits and water parks (or skip to 8:30). Luke is a huge fan of alley-oops in fights as well as well timed winks while Dan can't believe Corin's final exam score and is more convinced than ever of Sera's guilt. Finally, we get to our reviews and announce that we will be reading The Black Prism by Brent Weeks next!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

You are the top first year enchanter at the Lorian Heights Academy. You have studied hard to get to the top and had to sacrifice to keep up your grades but the reward is well worth it. After acing your finals you take a well deserved break and spend an hour relaxing with a cup of tea in the cafeteria. You can't help but overhear some gossip about Corin Cadence, the idiot who almost blew off his hand with a homemade enchanted item. Your grip tightens around your tea cup as you hear story after story of him cheating his way through every single course this year and still maintaining top marks. How quickly are you walking to the Dean's office to lodge a formal complaint?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Tons of questions this week about the curriculum in our schools, We're starting to get concerned that the bow and arrow lobby has too much power. Dan is turning in his spider accusation a little bit early, we feel good about getting some points towards graduation for that. Speaking of which, can we give our squad a pass for the year? Seems like they've earned it.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan start by addressing some comments from /r/climberscourt. Also, Luke mentions Patrick is a Shaper which is definitely wrong (he is an Elementalist, bruh) and you should definitely point it out to him in some way this week. Once again the boys criticize the teaching styles of the professors in the academy. The MVP and Rookie of the Year are announced and Luke needs an User's Manual for some of these freaking items.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Thanks to everyone sending us your thoughts on the last episode, keep 'em coming by commenting on our reddit posts on the r/dontcallitabookclub or r/ClimbersCourt subreddits, tweeting us @DCitaBC, or checking out our facebook page. Dan is excited that we're giving enchanters some credit, but Luke pumps the brakes on becoming superfans. You've heard it before and you'll hear it again, give us some real magic sports!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro magic.

Dan needs to know why Harry Potter never got Lasik (skip to 6:12 if you don't). Luke and Dan want a class revolution in Valia. They also start learning about our boy Corin, and he is either right where he needs to be and crushing it, or about to completely lose everything he wants and get kicked out of school for being an idiot. Gotta be one of those two or nothing. Finally, lets say Spider Division is real. You in?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

A lot of questions and healthy debate over our boy Trygon. Cool or no? Tell us your thoughts by tweeting us @DCitaBC or commenting on our subreddit r/dontcallitabookclub. Now that Odysseus has gone down can we call some of his stories into question? We've got some theories on what really happened on the journey home. Make sure to read the beginning of Sufficiently Advanced Magic by Andrew Rowe for next week!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Very relatable rant today that all cooks will appreciate (skip to 5:10 if you've never cooked anything and just want to hear about Circe). Can we take just a few things off Daedalus's plate? My guy is the Greg Jennings of the Greek world. Oh c'mon, how do you not get that reference? And we know Circe's got a tough job trying to raise her son in these trying circumstances, hear some of our suggestions.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

No spoilers today so if you haven't read up to chapter 11 stay away! Although if you're someone who can get spoiled by this book we want to hear your story, tweet at us with the hashtag #GreekSpoilers. A lot of strange sexual fantasies in this book so far and we focus on some you may have overlooked: Is Prometheus enjoying himself? Are there hot barnacles?

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Luke gets us warmed up with a Red Rover rant that is so on point (5:49). The boys want to see something cooler than a parrot. Luke takes an extremely bold stance and of course Dan tries to circle back to a venom stinger. An important question we need answered, are there memes in space? And YOU. GOTTA. CLEAR. THAT. HISTORY! I don't care your reasoning, this is unforgivable. Could they get through a series without Dan coming up with a ridiculous theory? Of course not.

Next week we start Circe by Madeline Miller so read the first third!

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The rants are back! Listen to Luke's very hot take about recipe blogs (or skip to 10:10 for book discussion). Dan is loving this book, but we do have one issue: Darrow you don't get to be Howler 1! Congrats to Sefi for making her vow of silence count, and it's time to put away our hopes for Jackal. I'm sorry it took so long Mustang, your newest story has convinced us.

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Dan reminds Darrow that his situation isn't really *that* bad. The boys have no idea where the Society's obsession with hummingbirds comes from but can't wait to see this Reaper hype video. While Luke isn't feeling great about his Jackal theory, Dan takes a much deserved victory lap. Also, the Boneriders have to know, right? They gotta know....

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Dan thinks that Darrow has a great future in the WWE, and we have another what's in the box situation on our hands. Luke has an issue with Darrow's big reveal, and apparently still believes in Jackal?? And sorry robot haters, you can't keep 'em down forever.

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Dan wants to know why no one in Sci-Fi seems to be concerned with deepfakes (book discussion starts at 4:50). So the box didn't contain a Bop-It, but we need some serious play-testing on this "game" before it is released. We speculate on the identity of Ares and this book is getting #emotional *NOT clickbait*. Speaking of #s, tweet at us with what you think the #AutumnTouch should entail.

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Darrow and the Red Rising series are back! Read up to chapter 15 for this episode and then stop if you’re an insane person like us. We get excited to meet Julian’s mother and human cactus, Mrs. Bellona who has managed to maintain a 2 year long hunger strike. Hats off to Fitchner for his great accomplishment, pulling off that cape. And yeah, we’re still on the venom stinger thing.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music

Luke and Dan recommend podcasts they have been listening to during quarantine. If you don't want to hear us talk about Bambi and Chocolate Bear, the book discussion starts at 5:49. Goose with a venom stinger vs an ornery goat: who's got your money? We finally get someone who knows how to make a deal and the boys are tempted. Also, how embarrassing is it when your brain chip kicks into turbo mode while doing the easy Suduko?

Next week we are returning to the Red Rising series with Golden Son! Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We’re getting everybody involved with our first listener submitted rant (skip to 11:45 if sneezing isn’t relatable to you). The Uncivil is looking pretty smart right now, but be honest folks, would you have invested early? Seems like a risky business strategy. And we're once again asking the real questions: are goats predator or prey?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

In a return to form, Dan starts the episode with a profound observation on an everyday issue (5:58 to skip the rant). This world sounds absolutely terrible (#relatable, am I right), but Luke and Dan are very intrigued by the details. Also, what is keeping the Seven so busy that they couldn't send more than one? Is everyone but Gamma playing the new Animal Crossing? The boys wonder what kind of person signs a contract with team Uncivil and Dan unveils the motivation behind this demonic incursion.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Since everyone has so much extra time at home (stay safe everybody) we’ve got an extra long episode to round out our Cradle marathon. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take so we let it rip with our Sacred Valley theories. Is it just me or do the Vroshir have a case? We’re joining up based on the Mad King’s flex alone. Stick with us next week as we start reading The Vagrant by Peter Newman and keep the comments coming on twitter (@DCitaBC), email (dcbc@dontcallitabookclub.com) or facebook.

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Dan gets pretty heated (some would say too heated) about some past comments (we love em). Luke and Dan puzzle out who we are rooting for in this series. Luke has some very important questions about Eithan (firstly, who is he hiding in there) and we need to get an invite to the Akura Halloween party this year if only to meet Mercy.

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As a very professional podcast we never give away how much we like or dislike a book. Ok never is a strong word, you might be able to tell if we just liked Ghostwater or loved it. We start out addressing comments and highlights that we missed (email us dcbc@dontcallitabookclub or tweet/DM us @DCitaBC or comment on our post on the /r/iteration110Cradle subreddit). If anyone can’t follow Yerin’s fighting techniques, Dan’s here for you. Also, hey Lindon, are those cargo pants under that robe?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

With the death of one theory, another arises to take its place. Also, we have a few questions about y'alls alternative Jai Chen theory and we need answers. Luke reminds us that everythiing about this duel is insane. Dan needs to know how to game the algorithm to up his style rank. Oh and by the way, Sacred Valley is PRINTING PATH MANUALS!!! Somebody get Lindon a pdf, please.

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Name pronunciation is one of the few things we don't excel at and we admit (some of) our mistakes then address other comments from listeners. Send us more comments via twitter (@DCitaBC), email (dcbc@dontcallitabookclub.com), or on the /r/iteration110Cradle subreddit. We explain how it's about time the janitors surpass the warriors in society, and finish with an incredible theory that for the first time we both actually agree on (63:07).

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Upon advancing to the peak of Soulsmith, the boys find they are overflowing with podcast madra. Dan and Luke respond to fellow sacred artists from /r/Iteration110Cradle. Keep sending us suggested topics (@DCitaBC, dcbc@dontcallitabookclub.com, or comment on the upcoming reddit post)! Dan is obviously on the path of controversial theories and Luke seems to be leaning Team Yerin. We end with a new segment featuring a question of vital importance.

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We begin our Cradle journey here with theories, nitpicks, and character critiques. What's up with Elder Whisper? How wrong was Lindon's choice of treasure? What can the tournament arena tell us about the Wei clan? We've got the answers. Get in touch with us if you've got comments on Unsouled or suggested topics for our next episode on Soulsmith. Tweet or DM us at @DCitaBC, email us at dcbc@dontcallitabookclub.com or get involved in the conversation on the Cradle subreddit r/Iteration110Cradle and we'll bring it up on the show!

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This week on The Institute, tales of woe and heartbreak, triumph and glory, vengeance and betrayal. Be sure to tweet #RedRisingRealityShow with your vote for who should win this season! Your humble producers, Luke and Dan, suggest a new luxury pet that is bound to be all the rage. And we ask the all important question: who wants to hire these maniacs? Stay tuned, things get absolutely wild.

Be sure to tune in next week for the first book in the Cradle series by Will Wight. That's right, the entirety of Unsouled for next week. Trust us, you won't want to put it down.

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Coming out of the gates swingin on this one with a very specific rant about hummus (if you couldn't care less about hummus skip to 9:50). If you made fun of Dan for his venom stinger request last week buckle up for his victory lap. Both of us choose to be pixies instead of going to the Institute and we crown an MVP.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Daniel gets worked up about how much everyone is talking about a certain wellness brand that will not be named (take Dan's advice, lets just all agree to not talk about it and skip to 7:28 for Red Rising). Luke and Dan immediately violate their sacred code of ethics and reveal they are very into this book. Something we are not sure how to feel about: this air shower. Listener, is this a shower innovation or a futuristic nightmare? Tweet at us your thoughts (@DCitaBC). Also, this episode gets pretty real about halfway through so be prepared for that.

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In a surprise twist, Alec comes back on the pod to talk our thoughts on The Raveling, grape seeds, and what is next in the Hutson universe. Don't miss Alec revealing jaw dropping truths about his trilogy you won't hear anywhere else! Next week we are reading Red Rising by Pierce Brown, so polish off that robot in the corner its time for some science fiction.

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In this final episode of The Raveling series Luke and Dan talk giant doors and Cho Lin gets a reality check. If anyone knows why smells are less smelly when its cold please hit us up. If you don't bring chalk into a dungeon, you are officially a scrub. The boys also give a wrap up of their called shots through the series. Next week we interview Alec Hutson, so email us any questions you want us to ask him (dcbc@dontcallitabookclub.com).

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Apologies to Senacus for anything mean ever said about you. We take it back you are just the sweetest. We're also taking back anything positive said about our immortal squad, let us explain why. And if you're Lask how much cannibalistic experimenting are you doing? I'm betting a lot. We've danced around this point for a while but Dan finally comes out and says it: he's on team Chosen.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke gives out a free e-reader innovation: quick map access. We love a good map (skip to 4:16 if you couldn't care less about maps). First things first, if you are a prologue skipper get at us (@DCitaBC) and please explain yourself. The boys come down on Keilan, but he is being just a little self centered. Dan needs more fantasy goose chases. Luke doesn't believe anything send to him through the mail. And there are so many FLEXES in this book! Finally, is getting (eventually) sacrificed worth a dope wardrobe?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Wow, who knew we could find a new nugget of Harry Potter to open with (go to 9:00 to skip this intro). First, let's talk head shapes on Threnody cause Brandon tries to sneak a wild one by us. Business advice for Silence, theories on undiscovered rules, we've got it all. Tell us your thoughts on what rules haven't been widely discovered yet by tweeting us @DCitaBC with #NewShadeRules.

Start on The Shadow King by Alec Hutson for next week!

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Having a dope home library: great. Having a dope home library without knowing how to read: not great. And why are we still ok with the same ol' scrying basin. Listen to find out what kind of improvements to make to yours at home. Finally, Niara I'm gonna need to hear some stronger food innovations before I rate your last thousand years a success.

Read Shadows For Silence in the Forests of Hell by Brandon Sanderson for next week before we come back to Alec Hutson's finale to the Raveling series.

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Gobble gobble, Dan complains about characters not getting minor illnesses (feel free to skip to the book discussion 8:14). We need one of these immortal sorcerers to come on the pod. We have a lot of questions about their choices. If anyone has them digits, DM us @DCitaBC. Luke looks on the bright side of the whole pure situation. Dan astutely identifies a crumbling marriage and points the finger at the obvious culprit.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Buckle up for a conspiracy theory heavy episode, this one gets a little wild. The technological wonders of umbrellas are discussed, and we even lay out our plan for a world with real giant turtles.

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Honestly, one of the most legitimately informative episodes we have ever recorded thanks to Jonathan French. Want to know how the Sludgeman travels around the Lots? Need an answer for your theory about Jackal's lineage? Do you want to stop being eaten alive by mosquitoes every summer? These questions and more finally answered! We talk goth hobbits, ax throwing, and orc chili. Also, fuck you Cloudy; you know what you did. Follow @JFrenchAuthor on Twitter for some prime cuts and The Lot Lands news!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

No book today so this episode is jam-packed with topics. Literally. Like we actually talk jam conspiracies before giving our video game takes.(10:00). Place bets on which one of us is better at video games before listening, we answer it pretty clearly. Which of your childhood games was actually terrible? Tweet angrily at Dan for ruining your fondest memories. Also we are now hearing suggestions for running mates, our presidential platform is a clear winner.

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Just in time for Halloween, Dan and Luke hit you with some of the best/worst fantasy couples costumes. Hit us up @DCitaBC with your entry in the #fantasycouplescontest. Or skip right to the hawg talk (13:22). First things first, there have got to be ugly elves, right? There has GOT to be an Ugfuck elf equivalent, right? Also, don't believe the orc *clap* prop *clap* a *clap* gan *clap* da. Luke and Dan create a few new achievement award categories for hoofs to try out. Slophead of the Year? Most Valuable Hawg?

We are interviewing Jonathan French but that episode will come out in two weeks, not next week. After that we will be returning Alec Hutson's The Raveling series with The Silver Sorceress!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The Bastards have a wild government. As well respected fantasy constitutional scholars we've got your questions covered with in depth analysis. Also interested in civil engineering? Dan uses his wall building expertise to call out the Orc propaganda. And if you're looking to pad that slophead resume a little get yourself an internship at that axe throwing place down the street. You know that place that looks kinda fun but never worth the money? Go check it out.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Your favorite podcasting frails get right into the mud with some of these dirty hogs. Luke and Dan have already fallen head over heels for Ugfuck. Don't believe the lies; orcs float. Also, we can all agree the half-orcs are over complicating things. Keep it simple, slophead! Finally, the boys congratulate Jackal on his sweet new career opportunity.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Did Luke and Dan get replaced by serous book critics? Good question Jessica but no. We just get really into the weeds on character analysis in this one. Actually now that I think about it there wasn't that much dumb stuff in this episode. Really just one brief aside about Shae's apartment furniture. Not bad.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan decide the FEMA in Janloon needs an complete restructuring. Luke thinks everyone needs to get just a little bit more hype. Okay maybe a lot more hype. Dan starts development on the custom Yelp plugin for Janloon, and Luke makes an absurdly hot take. This one is a doozy. Shae, you definitely left out a few key details about your boyfriend. Come on. Also Beru is the biggest idiot of all time.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The boys are officially #TeamHilo. Sure he has his faults, but gosh darn it he is just so genuine. Also not to split our allegiances but we are so down with #BuscemiClan. Luke and Dan reveal that Anden isn't potty trained and probably has no intention of learning. Finally, we have an important PSA: Jade power hugs not drugs.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

You arrive at the Prancing Pony in the middle of a stormy night. Do you take the comfort and security of a booth, or do you go with the flexibility and convenience of a table. Tweet at us @DCitaBC (11:35). Luke and Dan finally get to the big questions. What makes us human? Can a society truly ever evolve beyond its past? How does a space river reach dope status? Is there anyone dumber than Leigh Hunt? Ya boys score a behind the back full court called shot and you know Dan's got a theory about the A.I.s.

Next week we are reading the first third of Jade City by Fonda Lee!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The hot issue of the day: Are people that ride obnoxiously loud motorcycles in quiet neighborhoods underrepresented in fantasy literature? Of course they are (7:30). We've all got hobbies, Dan for example enjoys a nice scenic potty break. But we've figured out what the Shrike likes to do with his free time, and it's not too different from another of Dan's hobbies. Oh and if you still haven't treated yourself to some Dippin' Dots now is the time.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Listen to the soothing, dulcet tones of Luke and Dan as they offer some much needed strategic advice to the Hegemony. Breathe deep, and allow yourself to be lulled into relaxation imagining the most delicious grey soup served among the treetops. Slowly close your eyes, and drift into slee -- frozen sand pelts your face as you cry out into the howling winds. Are you seeking your lost companion among the dunes, or the sweet release of death from this descent into madness? Your mind screams the former, but your heart whispers the latter. And the Shrike hears all. See Luke, this would be the worst way to try to fall asleep. No thanks.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan reveals his tough on crime approach to Harry Potter (9:32) before joining Luke this THURSDAY in a tag team SUPER SLAM against the ridiculous number of sexual assaults in the last three stories of this book. Dan has to explain destiny yet again (see discussion of prophecy, Touch of Iron part III) and Luke reveals his weird thing for birds. Be prepared to look up pictures of cormorants. Next week we are going back to Hyperion with the first third of Fall of Hyperion. Be sure to listen to our Hyperion series for a refresher!

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We're going back to the Witcher story with this one and also back to the personal economics lessons. Listen in for classics such as rants about Geralt's negotiating skills, and Dan attempting to solve all of the problems (of Mimics this time). Lastly, can we all stage an intervention for Geralt about his relationship with Yennefer?

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Make sure to read the entirety of The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski for this one! We've always considered ourselves big policy wonks so finally we could get into the weeds of the tax code. More specifically the tax code on sorcery. If that's too detailed for you we also go big picture and discuss Dandelion's apple eating abilities. A little something for everybody.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Our one year Anniversary is here! And Dan would like to celebrate it by rescinding his terrible hot take (3:17). We could not wait to talk about the Bloody Nine so hear us gush about a great fight scene very early on in the episode. Although somehow I think we gushed about Bremer dan Gorst even more. And make sure you let us know your thoughts on the debate over who is a better road trip partner: Jezal or Ferro. Tweet us @DCitaBC.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan decides to start this episode with a very hot take about scooters. I don't know why. Yeah, you can skip it and tell him how dumb it was (ends at 9:40). Glokta is a popular character but he deserves some criticism, right? Tell us if you think our criticism of him is deserved. We also diagnose why Ardee has no friends, and Dan gives us another just great theory.

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We are back! If you've been frustrated that we don't talk about book news enough we brought in some experts. Rhonda and Erin from Pop DNA talk to us about the controversy around Guidebook for Mortals... er, Playbook to Mortals... whatever it's called (21:10). After that we get back to our bread and butter: talking trash about characters like Jezal, Lord Marshal Varuz,... even Ninefingers?!? This is another episode where you'll have to pick a side in a contentious debate. We're talking library designs: multiple towers or ranch style? Tweet us your thoughts @DCitaBC.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

In the words of a wise author, "Garbage in, garbage out but I say if you put good stuff in, you get good stuff out." Well on this episode, Timandra Whitecastle somehow manages to take garbage in and send good stuff out! We talk about the fine art of whittling, cursing in fantasy, and a story you may have heard of about a certain special boy with a lightning shaped scar. Timandra also helps us name a few magical artifacts and lays down the law on some tough disputes. Follow her on twitter, @TimWhitecastle, and sign up for her email list at https://timandrawhitecastle.com/. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

In this steamy last section we talk surprisingly long about the ideal bad boy vibe, listen through to the end for a very hot take. If you're looking for advice on your office decor, we're here for you. We can help you with the throne room that fits your personality whether you are a powerful, sexy witch or just boring old Diaz. And if you think fantasy novels don't talk about caprese salads enough, this is the podcast for you.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Find out which dragon book man the boys get too excited about for the warm up (8:58). Luke hijacks Dan's theory about Diaz and charts a course for a forbidden (but familiar) shore. Luke gets disqualified from taking the pilgrim oath and gives some horrific wartime advice. Dan makes it out of this episode looking pretty good in comparison. Nice. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Summer is here and we're starting out... hot? And by that I mean Luke is rescinding another hot take. Turns out you actually shouldn't skip leg day. Here's a quick question for you guys; what's your wasp fighting technique? Cause Dan's got a new one you should try. I promise it's related to the book. And if you thought we weren't going to talk about the tea Diaz makes I don't know what podcast you've been listening to for the last year. Tweet us @DCitaBC your best post-river crossing tea mixtures.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan and Luke, defenders of the meek, come to the aid of natural gas. Sort of? (5:45 to skip to the book stuff) Professor Dan's back at it again, this week we are learning about cold welding. And by learning I mean you should really look it up yourself because Dan is probably wrong. Shi is still a boss, Ye Wenjie needs to stop being so passive aggressive, and Luke and Dan stumble upon an incredible theory. Welcome all you far away listeners. We come in peace. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Well, last episode we didn't think of the most obvious use of the V-suit... Dan tells us the real reason the V-suit is popular and why Wang's wife should be a little worried. And to the Trisolarans, DM us, we've got some advice on how to make your world a little more comfortable. Also can someone please explain the dumb-soldier joke to Dan? He's just not getting it.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Friendship: one of the pillars of podcasting. Listen to hear about Dan and Luke's new friends (0:00 to 4:15). Organization: another pillar, Luke and Dan give some advice on how organizational skills can help our boys in Three Body Problem. Also how big of a waste of technology is this video game? Hear our suggestions for better uses of the V-suit, and give us your ideas by tweeting with #3dot1body.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

School's....in? Luke comes to office hours and gets himself learned. Also get hyped for our next big media project, Life Hacked (6:30). Luke and Dan debate if Essun is mother of the year, or monster of the year. Luke decides to rain on Dan's pirate parade and freaks out about just like, some casual murder. Ya boys have some serious questions about the end of this book. and surprise -- Luke needs me to Dansplain about truffles; don't worry its relevant. We are also excited to take Alabaster's Body Sculpt Beach Workout class.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

If you've been apartment shopping in your life then boy do we have a #relatable rant for you (6:19). Long time listeners will not be surprised or disappointed when we talk about the pets of this world for way too long. Also Luke takes a brave stand to point out when we as readers are being manipulated. Wake up sheeple!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

You might be wondering, "Luke and Dan, how are you gonna make a discussion about this horrifyingly dark book funny?" We were wondering the same thing. So we start with a little catharsis, move to a few predictions, and by the end I think we stumble into a few slivers of comedic light among the darkness of systematic dehumanization. Also the little girl's name is Damaya not Dayama and we know that...now. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro/outro music.

Dan kicks this episode off by bringing up Game of Thrones yet again, in spite of his earlier pledge to stop talking about it (5:04). As we wrap up the book Dan decides to ruin the idea of Kalad's Phantoms for all of us, but also acknowledges how horrible his theory from Part Two was. If Luke's feminist rant last week wasn't enough for you, we're here for another (slightly more serious) round in this episode. And stick around to see how Luke manages to make yet another Chopped reference.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke is lookin fresh and no man is gonna stop him (07:30). Your favorite fantasy fellows propose several crucial innovations for T'Telir. Dan, known to some as fantasy Sherlock, pieces together a brilliant prediction about the Returned. Also, if you thought we were done talking about what the Returned would eat you must be on your second episode ever. Welcome. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan kicks us off by attempting to alienate our listeners with a hot take about superhero movies (8:30), feel free to tell us how you feel about his awful opinion. This episode was a wild one and covers the first 20 chapters of Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson. There are a lot of chances for audience participation so tweet at us with your best flower related recipes with #YummyFlowers and your best mundane jobs for the Returned with #ReturnedZipRecruiter. Oh and we also have a strong debate over which city in Warbreaker is the best to live in. Listeners, please inform Dan that T'Telir is obviously better.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Mike Shel pretty much schools us on Aching God, RPGs, psychology, and proper methods of maniacal, sadistic punishment. We laughed. We cried. Dan was almost flayed alive. A good time had by all. Check out Mike on Twitter @MikeShelAuthor and see Aching God as a finalist in the SPFBO competition. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

To start this episode we revolutionize the book adaptation world by throwing out video game ideas (10:50). Tweet us your video game adaptations of books with #adaptmyvideogamealready and we'll rant and/or rave about how terrible/good your idea is. Throughout the rest of the episode Dan makes several terrible theories about Aching God, and somehow still gets Luke on board with them. Look forward to next weeks episode in which we interview the author Mike Shel.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Get excited, we are talking about swords this episode. Do you agree with Dan and his perfectly reasonable stance about swords being tools with a somber purpose and thus not deserving of names, or are you a bigger sociopath than Auric? Yep, we're calling out Auric again. Also, Luke spots a shield sized problem with the party's battle tactics. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro/outro music.

Dan gets this episode started by giving away a great fantasy plot idea for free, then we start discussing the first 13 chapters of Aching God by Mike Shel (5:30). Luke laments the lost look of the imposing desk and we both come down a little harshly on Auric.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan debate the merits of skipping leg day (spoilers: don't.) But feel free to skip to 6:25 to hear fan favorites like, "Why are we giving sick people wine not water?" and "Bondsmages are cheating, right?". What ridiculous animal combinations would you create for the Duke's feast? Tweet your suggestions to @DCitaBC with #frankenfeast. Special thanks to VOLO for intro and outro music.

No intro segment for this episode, we start already warmed up to cover the first 10 chapters of the Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch. Dan spends a while raving about how good this book is and Luke calls out the Grey King for cheating. If you're worried that the first half is too serious, don't worry we get real deep into the unimportant details towards the end.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Tune in to this episode to hear Dan's very controversial opinions on lobotomy, but first listen to Luke give some advice on healthy living. Oh and in case you're not sure what the final conflict will be we've got you covered with some pretty solid predictions.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Remember The Colony show from 2009? Well Dan does...Ya boys develop a theory live in episode. We also get into some dubious astrophysics, but who's going to call us out for it? Seriously someone should probably get @ us (@DCitaBC). Special thanks to VOLO for the intro/outro music.

No warm-up this time, just those clean, 100% pure, pristine book nuggets. Speaking of dank nugs, this week we once again return to talking about space dogs smoking that sticky icky. Dan posts up a couple of deep three pointer theories and for no reason whatsoever Luke brings Cuba into this mess.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan rile each other up over audiobooks, then start the first episode on the Fire Upon the Deep by Vernor Vinge. Both of us spend a good amount of time discussing the intricacies of the dog pack society of the Tines (dog packs using bows and arrows, whaaat?), then get really excited about a character's name.

It's Pham... his name is Pham.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Your two favorite podcast hosts finally make their pitch to transition to Hollywood with the new Eragon Trailer. Dan is crowned the king of theories, and Luke give Lollys some (completely justified) sympathy. Also Daenerys did it again. Again. Trust me we don't want to keep talking about this, but Daenerys did it again.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro/outro music.

The trailer can be seen on Youtube: https://youtu.be/V1TFrmJDjvo

Music credit: https://bit.ly/2DgUbJx and https://bit.ly/2CvhMoh.

free background music by https://www.fesliyanstudios.com

Sound effects: https://bit.ly/2T3eQGu, https://bit.ly/2APYGJq, https://bit.ly/2suYFWE, https://bit.ly/2ARO50x

As promised we start this episode by nailing down the trailer for our new Eragon movie before talking about A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin. Dan shows off his negotiating skills and Luke roasts Jon Snow's package opening skills.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

In this episode we spend the first 10 minutes brainstorming about the plotline for our Eragon movie, then discuss A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin. Luke laments the winter preparations being made in Westeros and Dan makes a theory about Craster's wives.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Before talking about A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin we talk about the new Eragon book and pitch our idea for a new movie. Luke points out the overwhelming evidence for #FlatWesteros and Dan tries to convince Luke of his most recent theory.

We will be taking a week off for the holidays, look for our next episode to be in two weeks.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan take a one-episode hiatus from books, and take a stab at discussing other media. Luke gives his thoughts on the new Fantastic Beasts movie, and Dan talks about fantasy TV shows. Worried our style won't work on anything but books? That's probably fair.

Have something you want us to talk about? Tweet us @DCitaBC

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The boys are back at it again. In a very anti-Immortal episode Luke roasts Demian, and Dan comes down very hard on Jan (again). We wrap up our discussion of The Crimson Queen by revealing the consequences of climate engineering. Wondering why this episode is twice as long? Alec Hutson, author of The Crimson Queen, tells us the secret to coming up with cool titles and answers many of our well thought out questions. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan gets a little Marxist early on and comes down a little harsh on Jan. Luke's ridiculous "bird fireworks" comment from last episode is somehow vindicated. We also ponder the important questions. Thanks to VOLO for the intro/outro music.

It's a Thanksgiving miracle! Luke and Dan are back at it again: Luke planning a culture change seminar for Keilan's village, Dan convincing Luke sorcery is fantastic for one very specific reason. Also Luke makes a bold prediction involving Godzilla.

Dan ruins Christmas then brings up new evidence for his Ben-Denna theory. Luke points out that Kvothe probably wears a fedora, and we talk about our ratings for the Name of the Wind before announcing our next book.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan talk about voting just in time to miss the election, then jump into the third section of The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. We roast Kvothe and Denna for about half the episode, then Dan comes up with arguably his best theory to date. Special thanks to VOLO for intro and outro music.

Luke and Dan throw a little shade on a Halloween tradition and attempt to answer the age old question: what is money? You won't believe which character is actually a certified sneaker head! Listen to find out! (Tryna go viral guys) Special thanks to VOLO for intro and outro music.

In our first Kingkiller Chronicles episode we have a long conversation about Dungeons and Dragons before getting into the book. Dan calls Abenthy the Arcanist a dick and Luke gets scared by a Chandrian with bad hair. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

We wrap up the last episode covering Hyperion by Dan Simmons with discussions about the last two chapters and the book as a whole. Dan convinces Luke yet again to buy into one of his theories, and Luke endorses the Consul's crazy decision. Thanks to VOLO for our intro and outro music.

In our second Hyperion episode Luke unveils a new idea for a fan appreciation event (Hint: it involves LeBron), and Dan leads a surprisingly serious discussion about Dan Simmons. We also develop several theories covering topics ranging from cyborgs to hipsters. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke gives some details about his vacation and we jump into our first episode covering Hyperion. Dan shows off his impressive knowledge of math and physics while discussing artificial gravity, then we decide that Colonel Kassad probably just wants to be playing Call of Duty and telling yo mama jokes. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Dan complains about the lack of alien representation in Star Wars, then we discuss Brandon Sanderson's novella The Emperor's Soul. We have a spirited debate over the ethics of master painters and break ground on the invention of toilets. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Luke flip flops on his previous hot take about the T.V. show being better than this incredible book and introduces a new hot take about Catelyn chapters. Dan makes a brilliant Risk analogy and masterfully ties a bow on the #FlatWesteros and #WarriorTyrion theories. Also while Luke is stuffin his face with pizza pies in Italy, Dan works tirelessly to ensure their podcast gets out to their loyal fans. This one's for you. Music, with thanks, from VOLO.

LeBron, excited to start this new collab. Get at us. We reveal the embarrassing truth Tywin Lannister doesn't want you to know, and try not to dunk too hard on Ned Stark. Thanks to VOLO for our intro and outro music.

We discuss chapters 21 - 40 of A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. Dan unveils a conspiracy theory about Tyrion, we further develop our flat Westeros theory, and we both complain about intramural sports. Thanks to VOLO for our intro and outro music.

We discuss the first 20 chapters of A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. We unveil our flat Westeros theory, and Luke makes a hot take about Lord of the Rings. Think you can prove him wrong? Tweet us at @DCitaBC with your argument. Thanks again to VOLO for our intro and outro music.

Elantris part 2 - we discuss the last section of Elantris from chapter 57 onward. Dan brings up a new theory, and Luke complains about hardcover books. Thanks to VOLO for the use of Mystic as our intro and outro music.

Welcome to Don't Call it a Book Club! In our first episode Luke makes a hot take about Game of Thrones and we break down the first 56 chapters of Elantris by Brandon Sanderson. Topics include Elantrian fight clubs, the magic system of Elantris, and several rants by Dan.

Thanks to VOLO for the use of Mystic as our intro and outro music.

The intro episode to Don't Call it a Book Club, giving you a taste of our style. Not sophisticated enough for you? Oooh someone's an intellectual that reads fantasy novels for complex and nuanced discussion.