Don't call it a book club.

Hot Takes; Dumb Nerds

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Fantasy George R.R. Martin Brandon Sanderson Sci-Fi A Game of Thrones Aching God Patrick Rothfuss Mike Shel Timandra Whitecastle The Kingkiller Chronicle A Clash of Kings Touch of Iron Liu Cixin Lies of Locke Lamora Dan Simmons The Fifth Season A Fire Upon the Deep Warbreaker Alec Hutson Scott Lynch Three Body Problem Elantris Vernor Vinge Hyperion N.K. Jemisin Interview The Crimson Queen Introduction Mailbag The Emperor's Soul

Touch of Iron: Timandra Whitecastle Interview

In the words of a wise author, "Garbage in, garbage out but I say if you put good stuff in, you get good stuff out." Well on this episode, Timandra Whitecastle somehow manages to take garbage in and send good stuff out! We talk about the fine art of whittling, cursing in fantasy, and a story you may have heard of about a certain special boy with a lightning shaped scar. Timandra also helps us name a few magical artifacts and lays down the law on some tough disputes. Follow her on twitter, @TimWhitecastle, and sign up for her email list at https://timandrawhitecastle.com/. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Fantasy Timandra Whitecastle Touch of Iron Interview

Touch of Iron: Part Three

In this steamy last section we talk surprisingly long about the ideal bad boy vibe, listen through to the end for a very hot take. If you're looking for advice on your office decor, we're here for you. We can help you with the throne room that fits your personality whether you are a powerful, sexy witch or just boring old Diaz. And if you think fantasy novels don't talk about caprese salads enough, this is the podcast for you.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Timandra Whitecastle Touch of Iron

Touch of Iron: Part Two

Find out which dragon book man the boys get too excited about for the warm up (8:58). Luke hijacks Dan's theory about Diaz and charts a course for a forbidden (but familiar) shore. Luke gets disqualified from taking the pilgrim oath and gives some horrific wartime advice. Dan makes it out of this episode looking pretty good in comparison. Nice. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Fantasy Timandra Whitecastle Touch of Iron

Touch of Iron: Part One

Summer is here and we're starting out... hot? And by that I mean Luke is rescinding another hot take. Turns out you actually shouldn't skip leg day. Here's a quick question for you guys; what's your wasp fighting technique? Cause Dan's got a new one you should try. I promise it's related to the book. And if you thought we weren't going to talk about the tea Diaz makes I don't know what podcast you've been listening to for the last year. Tweet us @DCitaBC your best post-river crossing tea mixtures.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Timandra Whitecastle Touch of Iron

The Three Body Problem: Part Three

Dan and Luke, defenders of the meek, come to the aid of natural gas. Sort of? (5:45 to skip to the book stuff) Professor Dan's back at it again, this week we are learning about cold welding. And by learning I mean you should really look it up yourself because Dan is probably wrong. Shi is still a boss, Ye Wenjie needs to stop being so passive aggressive, and Luke and Dan stumble upon an incredible theory. Welcome all you far away listeners. We come in peace. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Sci-Fi Three Body Problem Liu Cixin

The Three Body Problem: Part Two

Well, last episode we didn't think of the most obvious use of the V-suit... Dan tells us the real reason the V-suit is popular and why Wang's wife should be a little worried. And to the Trisolarans, DM us, we've got some advice on how to make your world a little more comfortable. Also can someone please explain the dumb-soldier joke to Dan? He's just not getting it.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Three Body Problem Liu Cixin

The Three Body Problem: Part One

Friendship: one of the pillars of podcasting. Listen to hear about Dan and Luke's new friends (0:00 to 4:15). Organization: another pillar, Luke and Dan give some advice on how organizational skills can help our boys in Three Body Problem. Also how big of a waste of technology is this video game? Hear our suggestions for better uses of the V-suit, and give us your ideas by tweeting with #3dot1body.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Sci-Fi Three Body Problem Liu Cixin

The Fifth Season: Part Three

School's....in? Luke comes to office hours and gets himself learned. Also get hyped for our next big media project, Life Hacked (6:30). Luke and Dan debate if Essun is mother of the year, or monster of the year. Luke decides to rain on Dan's pirate parade and freaks out about just like, some casual murder. Ya boys have some serious questions about the end of this book. and surprise -- Luke needs me to Dansplain about truffles; don't worry its relevant. We are also excited to take Alabaster's Body Sculpt Beach Workout class.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

N.K. Jemisin The Fifth Season

The Fifth Season: Part Two

If you've been apartment shopping in your life then boy do we have a #relatable rant for you (6:19). Long time listeners will not be surprised or disappointed when we talk about the pets of this world for way too long. Also Luke takes a brave stand to point out when we as readers are being manipulated. Wake up sheeple!

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

N.K. Jemisin The Fifth Season

The Fifth Season: Part One

You might be wondering, "Luke and Dan, how are you gonna make a discussion about this horrifyingly dark book funny?" We were wondering the same thing. So we start with a little catharsis, move to a few predictions, and by the end I think we stumble into a few slivers of comedic light among the darkness of systematic dehumanization. Also the little girl's name is Damaya not Dayama and we know that...now. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro/outro music.

N.K. Jemisin The Fifth Season

Warbreaker: Part Three

Dan kicks this episode off by bringing up Game of Thrones yet again, in spite of his earlier pledge to stop talking about it (5:04). As we wrap up the book Dan decides to ruin the idea of Kalad's Phantoms for all of us, but also acknowledges how horrible his theory from Part Two was. If Luke's feminist rant last week wasn't enough for you, we're here for another (slightly more serious) round in this episode. And stick around to see how Luke manages to make yet another Chopped reference.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Warbreaker Brandon Sanderson

Warbreaker: Part Two

Luke is lookin fresh and no man is gonna stop him (07:30). Your favorite fantasy fellows propose several crucial innovations for T'Telir. Dan, known to some as fantasy Sherlock, pieces together a brilliant prediction about the Returned. Also, if you thought we were done talking about what the Returned would eat you must be on your second episode ever. Welcome. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Warbreaker Fantasy Brandon Sanderson

Warbreaker: Part One

Dan kicks us off by attempting to alienate our listeners with a hot take about superhero movies (8:30), feel free to tell us how you feel about his awful opinion. This episode was a wild one and covers the first 20 chapters of Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson. There are a lot of chances for audience participation so tweet at us with your best flower related recipes with #YummyFlowers and your best mundane jobs for the Returned with #ReturnedZipRecruiter. Oh and we also have a strong debate over which city in Warbreaker is the best to live in. Listeners, please inform Dan that T'Telir is obviously better.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Warbreaker Brandon Sanderson

Aching God: Mike Shel Interview

Mike Shel pretty much schools us on Aching God, RPGs, psychology, and proper methods of maniacal, sadistic punishment. We laughed. We cried. Dan was almost flayed alive. A good time had by all. Check out Mike on Twitter @MikeShelAuthor and see Aching God as a finalist in the SPFBO competition. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Aching God Mike Shel Interview

Aching God: Part Three

To start this episode we revolutionize the book adaptation world by throwing out video game ideas (10:50). Tweet us your video game adaptations of books with #adaptmyvideogamealready and we'll rant and/or rave about how terrible/good your idea is. Throughout the rest of the episode Dan makes several terrible theories about Aching God, and somehow still gets Luke on board with them. Look forward to next weeks episode in which we interview the author Mike Shel.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Aching God Mike Shel

Aching God: Part Two

Get excited, we are talking about swords this episode. Do you agree with Dan and his perfectly reasonable stance about swords being tools with a somber purpose and thus not deserving of names, or are you a bigger sociopath than Auric? Yep, we're calling out Auric again. Also, Luke spots a shield sized problem with the party's battle tactics. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro/outro music.

Aching God Mike Shel

Aching God: Part One

Dan gets this episode started by giving away a great fantasy plot idea for free, then we start discussing the first 13 chapters of Aching God by Mike Shel (5:30). Luke laments the lost look of the imposing desk and we both come down a little harshly on Auric.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Aching God Mike Shel

The Lies of Locke Lamora: Part Three

Luke and Dan debate the merits of skipping leg day (spoilers: don't.) But feel free to skip to 6:25 to hear fan favorites like, "Why are we giving sick people wine not water?" and "Bondsmages are cheating, right?". What ridiculous animal combinations would you create for the Duke's feast? Tweet your suggestions to @DCitaBC with #frankenfeast. Special thanks to VOLO for intro and outro music.

Lies of Locke Lamora Scott Lynch

The Lies of Locke Lamora: Part Two

No intro segment for this episode, we start already warmed up to cover the first 10 chapters of the Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch. Dan spends a while raving about how good this book is and Luke calls out the Grey King for cheating. If you're worried that the first half is too serious, don't worry we get real deep into the unimportant details towards the end.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Lies of Locke Lamora Scott Lynch

The Lies of Locke Lamora: Part One

Tune in to this episode to hear Dan's very controversial opinions on lobotomy, but first listen to Luke give some advice on healthy living. Oh and in case you're not sure what the final conflict will be we've got you covered with some pretty solid predictions.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Lies of Locke Lamora Scott Lynch

A Fire Upon the Deep: Part Three

Remember The Colony show from 2009? Well Dan does...Ya boys develop a theory live in episode. We also get into some dubious astrophysics, but who's going to call us out for it? Seriously someone should probably get @ us (@DCitaBC). Special thanks to VOLO for the intro/outro music.

A Fire Upon the Deep Vernor Vinge

A Fire Upon the Deep: Part Two

No warm-up this time, just those clean, 100% pure, pristine book nuggets. Speaking of dank nugs, this week we once again return to talking about space dogs smoking that sticky icky. Dan posts up a couple of deep three pointer theories and for no reason whatsoever Luke brings Cuba into this mess.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

A Fire Upon the Deep Vernor Vinge

A Fire Upon the Deep: Part One

Luke and Dan rile each other up over audiobooks, then start the first episode on the Fire Upon the Deep by Vernor Vinge. Both of us spend a good amount of time discussing the intricacies of the dog pack society of the Tines (dog packs using bows and arrows, whaaat?), then get really excited about a character's name.

It's Pham... his name is Pham.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

A Fire Upon the Deep Vernor Vinge

A Clash of Kings: Part Four

Your two favorite podcast hosts finally make their pitch to transition to Hollywood with the new Eragon Trailer. Dan is crowned the king of theories, and Luke give Lollys some (completely justified) sympathy. Also Daenerys did it again. Again. Trust me we don't want to keep talking about this, but Daenerys did it again.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro/outro music.

The trailer can be seen on Youtube: https://youtu.be/V1TFrmJDjvo

Music credit: https://bit.ly/2DgUbJx and https://bit.ly/2CvhMoh.

free background music by https://www.fesliyanstudios.com

Sound effects: https://bit.ly/2T3eQGu, https://bit.ly/2APYGJq, https://bit.ly/2suYFWE, https://bit.ly/2ARO50x

A Clash of Kings George R.R. Martin

A Clash of Kings: Part Three

As promised we start this episode by nailing down the trailer for our new Eragon movie before talking about A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin. Dan shows off his negotiating skills and Luke roasts Jon Snow's package opening skills.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

A Clash of Kings George R.R. Martin

A Clash of Kings: Part Two

In this episode we spend the first 10 minutes brainstorming about the plotline for our Eragon movie, then discuss A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin. Luke laments the winter preparations being made in Westeros and Dan makes a theory about Craster's wives.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

A Clash of Kings George R.R. Martin

A Clash of Kings: Part One

Before talking about A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin we talk about the new Eragon book and pitch our idea for a new movie. Luke points out the overwhelming evidence for #FlatWesteros and Dan tries to convince Luke of his most recent theory.

We will be taking a week off for the holidays, look for our next episode to be in two weeks.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

A Clash of Kings George R.R. Martin

Mail Bag!

Luke and Dan take a one-episode hiatus from books, and take a stab at discussing other media. Luke gives his thoughts on the new Fantastic Beasts movie, and Dan talks about fantasy TV shows. Worried our style won't work on anything but books? That's probably fair.

Have something you want us to talk about? Tweet us @DCitaBC

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Mailbag

The Crimson Queen Part Three + Author Interview

The boys are back at it again. In a very anti-Immortal episode Luke roasts Demian, and Dan comes down very hard on Jan (again). We wrap up our discussion of The Crimson Queen by revealing the consequences of climate engineering. Wondering why this episode is twice as long? Alec Hutson, author of The Crimson Queen, tells us the secret to coming up with cool titles and answers many of our well thought out questions. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Fantasy Alec Hutson The Crimson Queen Interview

The Crimson Queen Part Two: Chapters 13 - 26

Dan gets a little Marxist early on and comes down a little harsh on Jan. Luke's ridiculous "bird fireworks" comment from last episode is somehow vindicated. We also ponder the important questions. Thanks to VOLO for the intro/outro music.

Fantasy Alec Hutson The Crimson Queen

The Crimson Queen Part One: Chapters 1 - 12

It's a Thanksgiving miracle! Luke and Dan are back at it again: Luke planning a culture change seminar for Keilan's village, Dan convincing Luke sorcery is fantastic for one very specific reason. Also Luke makes a bold prediction involving Godzilla.

Fantasy Alec Hutson The Crimson Queen

The Name of the Wind Part Four: Chapters 72 - End

Dan ruins Christmas then brings up new evidence for his Ben-Denna theory. Luke points out that Kvothe probably wears a fedora, and we talk about our ratings for the Name of the Wind before announcing our next book.

Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The Kingkiller Chronicle Fantasy Patrick Rothfuss

The Name of the Wind Part Three: Chapters 47-71

Luke and Dan talk about voting just in time to miss the election, then jump into the third section of The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. We roast Kvothe and Denna for about half the episode, then Dan comes up with arguably his best theory to date. Special thanks to VOLO for intro and outro music.

The Kingkiller Chronicle Fantasy Patrick Rothfuss

The Name of the Wind Part Two: Chapters 18-46

Luke and Dan throw a little shade on a Halloween tradition and attempt to answer the age old question: what is money? You won't believe which character is actually a certified sneaker head! Listen to find out! (Tryna go viral guys) Special thanks to VOLO for intro and outro music.

The Kingkiller Chronicle Fantasy Patrick Rothfuss

The Name of the Wind Part One: Chapters 1-17

In our first Kingkiller Chronicles episode we have a long conversation about Dungeons and Dragons before getting into the book. Dan calls Abenthy the Arcanist a dick and Luke gets scared by a Chandrian with bad hair. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

The Kingkiller Chronicle Fantasy Patrick Rothfuss

Hyperion Part 3: Chapter 5 - End

We wrap up the last episode covering Hyperion by Dan Simmons with discussions about the last two chapters and the book as a whole. Dan convinces Luke yet again to buy into one of his theories, and Luke endorses the Consul's crazy decision. Thanks to VOLO for our intro and outro music.

Sci-Fi Hyperion Dan Simmons

Hyperion Part 2: Chapters 3 and 4

In our second Hyperion episode Luke unveils a new idea for a fan appreciation event (Hint: it involves LeBron), and Dan leads a surprisingly serious discussion about Dan Simmons. We also develop several theories covering topics ranging from cyborgs to hipsters. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Sci-Fi Hyperion Dan Simmons

Hyperion Part 1: Chapters 1 and 2

Luke gives some details about his vacation and we jump into our first episode covering Hyperion. Dan shows off his impressive knowledge of math and physics while discussing artificial gravity, then we decide that Colonel Kassad probably just wants to be playing Call of Duty and telling yo mama jokes. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Sci-Fi Hyperion Dan Simmons

The Emperor's Soul

Dan complains about the lack of alien representation in Star Wars, then we discuss Brandon Sanderson's novella The Emperor's Soul. We have a spirited debate over the ethics of master painters and break ground on the invention of toilets. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music.

Elantris Fantasy Brandon Sanderson The Emperor's Soul

Game of Thrones Part Four: Chapters 61 - End

Luke flip flops on his previous hot take about the T.V. show being better than this incredible book and introduces a new hot take about Catelyn chapters. Dan makes a brilliant Risk analogy and masterfully ties a bow on the #FlatWesteros and #WarriorTyrion theories. Also while Luke is stuffin his face with pizza pies in Italy, Dan works tirelessly to ensure their podcast gets out to their loyal fans. This one's for you. Music, with thanks, from VOLO.

Fantasy A Game of Thrones George R.R. Martin

Game of Thrones Part Three: Chapters 41 - 60

LeBron, excited to start this new collab. Get at us. We reveal the embarrassing truth Tywin Lannister doesn't want you to know, and try not to dunk too hard on Ned Stark. Thanks to VOLO for our intro and outro music.

Fantasy A Game of Thrones George R.R. Martin

Game of Thrones Part Two: Chapters 21 - 40

We discuss chapters 21 - 40 of A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. Dan unveils a conspiracy theory about Tyrion, we further develop our flat Westeros theory, and we both complain about intramural sports. Thanks to VOLO for our intro and outro music.

Fantasy A Game of Thrones George R.R. Martin

Game of Thrones Part One: Chapters 1 - 20

We discuss the first 20 chapters of A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. We unveil our flat Westeros theory, and Luke makes a hot take about Lord of the Rings. Think you can prove him wrong? Tweet us at @DCitaBC with your argument. Thanks again to VOLO for our intro and outro music.

Fantasy A Game of Thrones George R.R. Martin

Elantris Part Two: Chapter 57 - End

Elantris part 2 - we discuss the last section of Elantris from chapter 57 onward. Dan brings up a new theory, and Luke complains about hardcover books. Thanks to VOLO for the use of Mystic as our intro and outro music.

Elantris Fantasy Brandon Sanderson

Elantris Part One: Chapters 1 - 56

Welcome to Don't Call it a Book Club! In our first episode Luke makes a hot take about Game of Thrones and we break down the first 56 chapters of Elantris by Brandon Sanderson. Topics include Elantrian fight clubs, the magic system of Elantris, and several rants by Dan.

Thanks to VOLO for the use of Mystic as our intro and outro music.

Elantris Fantasy Brandon Sanderson

Intro episode

The intro episode to Don't Call it a Book Club, giving you a taste of our style. Not sophisticated enough for you? Oooh someone's an intellectual that reads fantasy novels for complex and nuanced discussion.

Introduction